One flu over the cuckoo's nest

And so it begins.

In Norfolk, a little north of London, thousands of chickens have just been condemned to death.

Oh, they tell us, it's not the deadly bird flu. It's another kind. We're just killing all these hens to be on the safe side.

Excuse my language but - bollocks.

This comes from the government that told us foot-and-mouth was an 'isolated incident'. They told us there was nothing to worry about from beef, there was no link between CJD and cattle. The government that said Madman Hussein had weapons of mass destruction, and threatened us. Lies upon lies, the mark of the politician struggling to explain what he doesn't understand, and can't be bothered finding out about.

Bird flu has reached the UK. I am convinced of this, precisely because the government denies it so strenuously.

Don't stock up with tamiflu, and don't visit the doctor's surgery. There's no point in either. Tamiflu works when symptoms first appear, no later. Since it takes about a week to get an appointment at the doctor's, tamiflu will have no effect at all. If you visit the surgery, you stand a good chance of catching something you didn't have when you came in.

Watch for more of these 'precautionary culls' over the next few weeks. They'll come.

What makes me laugh is the hysteria. The H5N1 flu has not, as yet, mutated into a human flu. It might well do that but so far, it hasn't. The humans who have caught it are those who live and work in close proximity to poultry.

People are handing in pet birds in case they catch bird flu from them. Listen, people, you are mindless idiots. Your budgie is in a cage in your house. The only way it's going to catch anything is from you.

Maybe it's for the best. People that stupid shouldn't be caring for animals.

Bird flu is potentially serious, there's no sense in pretending otherwise. The 1918 flu started in birds, and it was a phenomenal killer.

However, look at the timing. The UK is just starting to warm up. Flu season is over. An infestation with bird flu now would be far less devastating than an infestation starting in December. There's no reason to panic.

On the other hand, there's no reason to tell us lies either.