The Christmas tree paradox

This baffles me every year.

Why do people put Christmas trees up in their houses? it has absolutely nothing to do with the Christian religion they pretend to follow.

There is no Santa in the Bible, although there is an anagram of that name on a few pages. Funnily enough, he wears red and only comes out at night. Makes you think, doesn't it?

Santa's origins are pagan. Forget Saint Nicholas, the attribution of Santa to Saint Nick was added later by Christian authors to cover up a tradition they were unable to stamp out when they converted the British to Christianity. And no, it’s not true that Coca-Cola invented Santa either.

Personally, I prefer the originals, which still exist in some places. The principle is the same – the good children get presents – but the bad ones get taken away in Santa’s sack. Oh, wouldn’t it be nice if that still worked?

It's interesting to note that the Celtic religions were so close in format and belief to Christianity that assimilation was easy. The Celtic sun god, Hu, even had an only son. His name was Hesus.

So the Christian preachers had an easy time of it at first. It was only when they decided to abolish the old Pagan rituals that they ran into trouble. Easter was once the fertility ritual associated with Beltane. That's why all good Christians still give each other chocolate eggs and rabbits for Easter. These are Pagan fertility symbols.

At the midwinter solstice, December 22nd, the Pagan priests performed rituals to stop the shortening of the days and bring back the sunshine. This is where the Oak King takes power over the Holly King. Under the Oak King's rule, days get longer. Under the Holly King's rule, they get shorter. The ritual involved an animal sacrifice. The animal's entrails were then draped over the branches of trees as offerings to the gods.

Well, that explains tinsel.

When you drape tinsel over your tree, you're re-enacting an ancient ritual. The tinsel represents the steaming guts of a freshly killed sheep, or perhaps goat. What the other baubles represent, I leave to your imagination.

The Christmas feast is Pagan too, as is the giving of gifts. The whole thing is one long Pagan festival where the priests magically stop the shortening of the days.

Well, the people of the time would have no reason to doubt it. The priests perform their ritual, the daylight hours get longer. It worked for them. Most likely, the priests knew exactly what would happen and when – they would not have known why, having no knowledge of orbital paths and so on, but they knew the ritual would definitely work every year. Their power over the common man was assured.

Did they ever wonder if the day length would still increase if they left out that ritual? Would they dare try? Most likely not, which is probably why Christianity didn’t manage to kill it.

So Christianity assimilated it. They called it the date of the Birth of Christ, which is patently ridiculous. Shepherds tending their flocks in the fields – in December?

Well, there’s still the paradox of the tree. Christianity makes no mention of the Norway spruce. Pagans may well have worshipped this tree, but they would not have cut one off at the roots and watched it die in their living rooms. The trees they decorated were outside, alive, and stayed that way.

That’s the last great mystery of Christmas. Why has it become a protracted tree-killing ritual?

Maybe we’ll never know.