Happiness 101.

Faced with rising unruliness and general bad behaviour from the vicious savages we laughingly refer to as 'young adults', the UK schools are being encouraged to teach happiness. Although, in our PC-riddled society, it's not called happiness any more. It's now 'emotional intelligence'. Therefore, if you're unhappy, it's because you're stupid. George Orwell should be elevated to the status of prophet.

There will be classes devoted to teaching our miserable little swines how to be happy. The 'how' is not clearly explained, but apparently scientists have discovered the secrets of happiness. As a scientist, I must say I was completely unaware of this. Perhaps it was one of those articles published on April 1st one year?

I assume those who fail this class will be thrashed until they cheer up?

Those with well-adjusted, non-deranged personalities will pay close attention. The dour faces of the future gangsters will remain as devoid of thought as ever. It won't affect them. If you want to make the schoolchildren happy, string up the bullies and the thugs. Bring back corporal punishment.

It sounds wrong, doesn't it? How can beating children make them happy? It's worth a try, I say, but there is a more sensible reason.

At school, I was never beaten, caned, belted, or suffered any other punishment. Was I some kind of golden child? Far from it. I, with others, discovered how to make explosives, but never tested them at school. We filled Bunsen burner tubes with water and put them back on the gas taps, we set fire to volatile chemicals by 'accident', we dissolved each others' gym kit with sodium hydroxide, and a hundred other things. I was thrown out of art class, I made several trips to the headmaster's office, but never received corporal punishment.

For one reason. Nothing I, or my associates, did at school was actually all that dangerous. We never bullied anyone else, we never picked on smaller children, we never answered back to teachers and we never hurt anyone. Not because we were half-hearted rebels. Because we knew that if we overstepped the mark, the headmaster had the right to hit us with his stick.

Today's spawnings know, just as definitely, that the teachers cannot touch them. They know how to shout 'Human Rights' if any teacher dares to defend themselves against the attacks of these poisonous little freaks. They know their parents will side with them, because those parents are just as dim and unhinged as the offspring they hatched.

We had thugs and bullies when I was at school. It was the threat of corporal punishment that kept them in check. When our feeble-minded politically-correct idiots took away that check, they gave the thugs free reign. The Mad Hatter's Tea Party that calls itself a Government continues to support those ill-conceived proposals and has now come up with this new 'solution' to the problem they created. The government like to refer to their 'think tanks'. It seems to me there's insufficient thought going on there to fill a thimble, never mind a tank.

We've just had local elections. Scotland and Wales had governmental elections. The current Labour administration have just received a sound beating. No matter how much spin they apply to the results, there it is.

So you might think they'd take a step back and consider the possibility that their lunatic policies might, in some small way, have contributed to this. Well, no. That would mean listening to the public, and Labour have grown accustomed to telling, rather than listening. They don't need to listen. They know what's best for we poor, common people.

They insist they will bounce back from these damning results.

As long as they continue to put forward ideas like this, I sincerely hope not.