Vikings

Spam, spam, spam, spam... so went the refrain of the vikings in the transport cafe, from a long-ago transmission of Monty Python's Flying Circus. Spam was (and still is) a can of meat with all the goodness processed out of it. When the Monty Python crew made fun of it, it was funny. Modern spammers are not.

Here's one from the comments box on the last post. It's probably on every blog, though most will have deleted it. I'm not going to be so kind.

Get any Desired College Degree, In less then 2 weeks.

Call this number now 24 hours a day 7 days a week (413) 208-3069

Get these Degrees NOW!!!

"BA", "BSc", "MA", "MSc", "MBA", "PHD",

Get everything within 2 weeks.
100% verifiable, this is a real deal

Act now you owe it to your future.

(413) 208-3069 call now 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

This is Spam, by the modern definition. An advertisement with all the intelligence processed out of it. As such it is open to any and all abuse I can find to throw at it. If you want to object, Davey-boy, remember that you'd have to admit to spamming in order to come forward.

A line by line commentary is called for here, I think.

Get any Desired College Degree, In less then 2 weeks.

Less then 2 weeks? I take it this does not include a degree in English?
Bad opening, Dave. If you went to college, you obviously didn't listen. Perhaps you should have spent more than two weeks there. Honestly, if anyone believes they can get a degree in two weeks then they need to be locked away safely before they hurt themselves. Only the terminally stupid and the criminally idle would even think about this.

Call this number now 24 hours a day 7 days a week (413) 208-3069

Whenever I see this line, it is my fondest wish that someone will invent an autodialler that could call a number repeatedly, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. On answer, it would give out the recorded message 'You're an idiot', hang up and redial.

Get these Degrees NOW!!!

Oh? I thought I had to wait two weeks? Or at least until the cheque cleared.

"BA", "BSc", "MA", "MSc", "MBA", "PHD",

If you don't know what the letters stand for, and you pay for one of these fake degrees, be ready to be ridiculed without mercy. In public, perhaps even in the newspapers.

Get everything within 2 weeks.
100% verifiable, this is a real deal

What's the 'everything'? Since a PhD takes three years, does 'everything' include three years' worth of knowledge? In two weeks?
Verifiable made me laugh aloud. The only thing these people are interested in verifying is your payment. A real deal, yes, you give them money, they give you a worthless certificate. The deal is real. The degree is not.

Act now you owe it to your future.

No, you owe it to Dave's future. He'll have your money while you try to convince an employer you've suddenly sprouted a degree. Oh, you'll be so proud. You can command respect because you're Certifiably Clever. Well, certifiable, anyway.

Here's what will really happen. You turn up to a job interview with a piece of paper that says "This man is clever, signed Dave". Your interviewer will ask where you studied. He'll ask detailed questions on your degree subject - after all, you're the 'expert' he wants to employ, aren't you?

You are going to look so stupid you'll wish you had never been born. Your humiliation will be total. Your name will pass from employer to employer (yes, they do talk to each other). You'll get interviews just to provide some comic relief. What you won't get is a job. You cetainly won't get any respect. People will point and laugh at you, and you paid Dave to make it happen. Imagine that before you call this number.

(413) 208-3069 call now 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Call it once. Call it now. Don't give them time to hard-sell you a piece of paper with your name on it. Just say 'You're an idiot' and hang up.

Now that would prove you're intelligent.