No smoking

I am not a heavy smoker, although I do enjoy an occasional cigar.

I visited Scotland this week, where the new smoking laws are being tested out before they are applied to the whole of the UK. The officious 'empty-suits' have been hard at work there.

Let me first remind everyone that tobacco is not (yet) illegal in the UK, and in fact provides a huge source of revenue for the taxman. With that in mind, consider this:

Scotland has banned smoking in all 'enclosed public spaces' and 'places of work'. Now, I agree with this in principle. Even though I smoke, I don't want to eat in a restaurant where the air is filled with smoke, and where even the napkins smell of tobacco. So far, so good.

The downside is that the streets are littered with cigarette ends. Outside some of the seedier pubs, these are gradually forming a mound that will eventually obscure the door.

The ban hurts more at airports. Once inside the departure lounge, there is no 'smoking area' any more. Dedicated smokers are having a tough time of it there. I expect we'll hear of one or two having breakdowns while they wait for long-delayed flights.

They have also banned smoking on railway stations. Not just the waiting room, not just the covered sections, but even on the open platforms. It's a place of work, so no smoking.

Now that's just silly. Scotland is a windy place, and if you stand next to a smoker on a railway platform you'd be lucky to even catch a whiff of tobacco.

Moving from silly to downright stupid, I noticed a 'no smoking' sign at a bus stop. This stop consisted of a single upright panel and a flat canopy. You cannot smoke there.

If you take one step outside the canopy, you can smoke. Step under the canopy and you're breaking the law. So, someone walking along the street, smoking, will have to either extinguish their cigarette, or cross the street to avoid passing under the canopy.

These laws will apply in England soon. The anti-smoking brigades will no doubt clap their hands in glee. Everyone will have to give up smoking because it's just too inconvenient to bother. So the tobacco companies go down, leading to increased unemployment. This has already happened in Eire, where a cigarette factory closed after their smoking ban. There was uproar. How can a company simply fire so many people?

Perhaps because those same people voted not to buy the product, and not to let anyone use it?

Then there's the tax issue. Loss of smokers means a huge loss of revenue for the Government. Will they manage with less money, or will they increase other taxes to compensate? You decide.

What concerns me is that, from next month, I will be self-employed. My home will be my place of work.

So, by strict interpretation of these ridiculous laws, it will be illegal for me to smoke there.