Thursday, September 13, 2007

Down with this sort of thing.

Signs such as 'Warning - this blog contains words' are at last being shown up for the ridiculous waste of paint they are.

It's long overdue. Peanuts labelled 'may contain traces of nut' and butter labelled 'contains milk and salt' are just two examples of the insulting assumption by food standards people that we are are thicker than the thickest thing in a thick thing factory.

Okay, some people are. Well, most people are. Still, anyone who doesn't know that butter is made of milk and salt deserves all they get. Anyone who doesn't realise that pepper spray 'may irritate eyes' should have it tested on them daily.

We had a comedy series in the UK some years back, called 'Father Ted'. Three Catholic priests on a tiny island off the coast of Ireland. One (Ted) was sent there for attempting to line his pockets with church funds, another (Dougal) was too dense to be of any use to anyone, and the third (Jack) was a violent drunk. It doesn't sound funny, but it was. Very.

When the island's little cinema wanted to screen a slightly risque film, Fathers Ted and Dougal were instructed to picket it. They had signs - general purpose priestly signs, I assume - which read 'Down with this sort of thing' and 'Careful now'.

I laughed at those. Yet when I found the police were putting up signs in the real world saying 'Don't commit crime', I didn't laugh at all. Do they expect passing burglars to rub their chins and think. 'Hmm, I hadn't thought of not committing crime. I'll give it a go.'

I think these signs say more about the drivel-spouting morons who write them than the giggling masses who read them. The most disturbing aspect was that when confronted with their idiocy, one of the supermarkets defended their policy. Defended! Surely the sensible response would have been 'Okay, you caught us. We were just fooling around to see how silly we could get before you all noticed'.

They weren't fooling around. The stupidity is endemic within their organisation. Further proof of that is available in any supermarket in the UK, where Christmas junk has been on sale for weeks. They don't even know what time of year it is.

Perhaps they don't assume they're cleverer than us. Perhaps they think we're all as stupid as they are.

No, we're not. We can't be. These people have degrees in stupid. They're not confined to the supermarkets either - they're everywhere, and they're spreading.

I think I'm going to produce a new sign. 'Beware of the Idiot'. I suspect I'll sell a lot of these.


ThatGreenyFlower said...

Ok, had to leave some Greeny petals here, too. This is brilliant.

I want to post random signs all over my city that say, "DUCK!" and show a figure crouching down with its hands covering its gender-neutral head.

Romulus Crowe said...

I'd suggest leaving out the figure. Just post 'DUCK!'. Then one night, when everyone's asleep, take down all the signs and set up a giant inflatable duck in the town centre.

You could probably get an art grant for it. They've given money to far sillier ideas.

ThatGreenyFlower said...

I love it! It would be a kind of city beautification project, really. I could seriously try for some federal or state funds...

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