Following hot on the heels of the ban on knives, the yobs of the UK have found themselves a new weapon.
They take their dogs for a walk.
There's nothing illegal about walking a dog, after all, and it'll take a seriously lunatic government to ban dog-walking in this country. We have such a government. I'm waiting for them to try it.
The new routine is 'hand over your valuables or we set the dog on you'. So what kind of dog? Rottweiler? Pitbull? Alsatian?
No, the dog of choice is the Staffordshire bull terrier. A squat and strong animal with a head that looks like it's carved from a single piece of titanium. The thugs dress the animal up with a spiked collar and wander the streets.
There's only one problem. The Staffordshire bull terrier is one of the friendliest dogs around. It can afford to be since there's not much you can do to hurt one of these armour-plated beasts. Safe to leave with small children, and a boon to burglars because if you bribe him with a good piece of meat, he'll show you where the silver is. This is not an attack dog, unless you're a cat or a hedgehog in which case you're done for.
If the thug says 'Get him', this dog will attempt to lick you to death, or drown you in drool.
Of course, you wouldn't think that if you didn't know the breed. They look very fierce, but they're big softies inside. Just don't dress up as a squirrel.
I'd be more scared of a poodle. Those things are deranged.